Gaia Community: Tuff Ghost's Blog

Still alive

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Sep 2006 03:32:02 GMT

Yes, I'm still alive.

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ILP - Day 24

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sat, 20 May 2006 18:26:09 GMT

Hammering the cramps.

Community is an overlooked part of my practice, particularly when it comes to the interpersonal aspects of the ILP. The shadow stuff and the 321 process just isn't as immediately appealing as writing essays or doing one handed clap pushups (I can dream). It is, of course, a vital part of any attempt to change yourself in a fundamental way, lest you end up pulling a Darth Vader and being a very deep, very annoying jerk.

I'm willing to best that a lot of us here on Zaadz can be a bit.... socially inept at times (or maybe I'm just projecting, or maybe it's a male thing, but the whole early adapter somewhat tech savvy introspective meditator demographic tends not to partaayyyy too hard) so online communities can relieve that pressure somewhat.

So Go! For the good of the city! and join this comments thread over at Integral Practice. Play nice and contribute and maybe we can hammer out the cramps.

Tags: ILP

ILP - Day 23

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Fri, 19 May 2006 15:03:58 GMT

Scalability. I think I've lauded it before, but one of the best things about the ILP is that it's scalable. So when you have a severe rib injury or whatnot, you can still practice, in accordance with what Paul calls the one repetition model. That is, in whatever practice you choose to do, make sure you do at least one 'rep' (he was referring to fitness; pushups and the like, but you can apply it anywhere. Just do something and the rest will follow).

***

Just a little sidenote: I've referenced Paul so many times that it's not even funny. Maybe he should compile all his suggestions (emotional inbox being the latest) 'cos some of them are pretty damn good. Steve Pavlina eat your heart out. Plus, I smell a new breed of fiction coming on. Out with hysterical realism, in with... actualized re-capturing of the fragmented self? Wank! But you get the picture.

***

Now, in some instances it may be physically impossible to complete at least one rep of your auxillary practises (see Ribs, Bruised) but with the one minute core practises, you can at least keep that intentionality from disappearing. It's an inspired inclusion, and one that I can't praise enough.

- - -

I think it was William from Integral Options who suggested that blocks will start emerging around day 30. I think mine have emerged earlier, because of all these injuries. But that's for tomorrow.

Tags: ILP, scalability

ILP - Day 22

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Thu, 18 May 2006 11:35:49 GMT

What a crap couple of days. The whole Gafni controversy once again strikes at the heart of the teacher-student relationship.

Best to do as Paul says, and just be aware. Constantly aware. That's more than enough practise for today.

Tags: ILP

ILP - Days 20 & 21

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 02:33:32 GMT

When things fall apart.

Kill your idols.

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ILP - Day 19

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sun, 14 May 2006 13:46:19 GMT

Today is a photo of a kitten precariously situated on a tree branch, a worried look spread all over its cute little face. HANG IN THERE says the caption. Usually I'd be tempted to smash my face into such a poster, but today, despite a bizarre run of misfortune, I'm happy just to be practising.

Yay for unexpected feelings of contendedness and joy.

Tags: ILP

ILP - Days 17 & 18

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sat, 13 May 2006 07:51:02 GMT

My ridiculous run of injuries continues. I had quite a nasty cough after my bout of flu, so nasty that it made me bruise my ribs. That's right, horrible painful bruised ribs, which means I can't breathe properly and it hurts to cough or laugh. As Paul points out, when you're in the middle of a self-help kick, any interruption feels like a solid blow to the gut.

Still, practice is going well, and I have no desire to give up, even when injuries interfere with certain goals.

Tags: ilp

ILP - Day 16 - Simplicity

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Thu, 11 May 2006 11:28:18 GMT

There's an air of unreality about my current practise. Not because it's going poorly or exceptionally well, but because I'm in an in between state with regard to commitments that doesn't require me to do anything other than sit at my computer and study. This frees up a tremendous amount of time for performing ILP related material, and so to a certain extent it feels artificial. Despite the fact that I'm technically employed full time, I don't have to get up early (I try to anyway) and I don't have any engagements that are particularly pressing.

Compare my situation with that of my girlfriend, who's constantly busy with a degree that demands a lot more attendance, not to mention a large amount of travel time and constant forays into extra-curricular activities. Somewhere in that whirlwind she finds time to do as much ILP stuff as possible.

There's not much I can do about my current situation (not that I'd want to anyway) so I guess the trick is to demand more out of myself. I've been blessed to be put into a situation where my practise is my primary daily obsession, therefore, I should be getting more out of it and demanding more of myself. That means more writing, and getting things done on time for a change.

So tomorrow brings with it a trip to the library and the photocopying of countless journal articles, coupled with a strong desire to get 5000 words written this weekend, and thus have a first draft completed almost a month before due date. Viva productivity!

Tags: ilp

ILP - Day 15 - Diversions

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Wed, 10 May 2006 14:18:06 GMT

Paul offers the following advice: And so Tuff Ghost, and everyone else feeling bad when practice apathy bites them in the butt, take solace: it happens to all of us, because practice is more than just four core modules.

It certainly is. Condensed to an essential mantra, practice is nothing more than the commitment to be better tomorrow than you are today. Or even more simply, to be better in the moment. Leaving aside the ultimate fruit of practise, which is the ability to just practise, or not practise, or whatever paradox best expresses the be here nowness effect for you, leaving that aside, we can't really escape (nor should we want to) that this is about betterment of self (body, mind spirit) through expression of self (self, culture, nature). Following that impulse can take you to some strange places. It can also have unintended consequences.

For example, a friend of mine took her first ever lecture the other day. We'd discussed how to go about it, and I employed her to do two things. 1) Keep it interesting, that is, don't just read a whole bunch of prepared notes. 2) Don't talk down to people. Assume that they're there and they're interested, and that they're willing to do the hard work to understand what is being said.

Well, she gave the lecture (on animal liberation), and not only was she called a terrorist, but one disgruntled student walked out. Others took to heckling her in the lecture, which is practically unprecedented in a liberal faculty with a mostly liberal student body (political science). But she stuck to her guns and came out of it with an interesting story to tell. Even though I don't agree with her position on most issues, I'm always engaged by her willingness to be engaged. I also feel really, really guilty when I eat meat now.

- - -

So with that in mind, I've decided to pursue writing my comedy show with a bunch of friends, and to use it as an active part of my practise. I've written about the connection between spirituality and theatre before, but suffice to say, there's not a whole lot of anything that's typically 'spiritual' about this show. It's edgy and smutty, and some will certainly find it reactionary (I prefer 'second-tier, you comedic plebians!). But it's about being committed to a public aesthetic and a private ideal, an expression of something I believe (through the ancient art of swearing at unexpected moments). And thus, not only does the mundane become an expression of practise, but so does the unusual and the extraordinary.

It's also nice to have a shining beacon when you're feeling particularly nonplussed about going for a jog or meditating. I suffer for my comedy. If you come and see the show, you can too! Thanks, I'll be here all week.

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ILP - Day 14

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Tue, 09 May 2006 14:10:19 GMT

Kids dance together

A looming sense of purpose can drive your ILP in a certain direction. For me, that's three exams and a five thousand word essay on religious vilification. In the short term at least, that''ll be pushing me on. So, for the first time since I can remember, I've started an essay quite a bit earlier than I thought possible.

Thanks to all the people who responded to my post over at VC on Bigmind. If any of you have seen the ILP BiGMind DVD and would like to comment, please do so over there.

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Day 13 - Unlucky for some

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Mon, 08 May 2006 10:14:35 GMT

One of the key facets of the ILP program is that it's scalable, you can take practises and really work on them one day, then retreat and just do what's manageable on another. I've found that this has been vital when coming back from sickness; the ability to ease myself into activities, without any ancillary mental pressure.

In theory you can do the whole schmozzle in four minutes, in practise it takes longer than that (one minute module should mean one minute fellas). Still, it's nice to know that a day is still a 'success' even you feel like taking a claw hammer to everyone you see. Whereas last week might have seen me go completely off the rails and give up, I only feel a strong desire to get back on track, however long that might take.

the ILP champion trophy shall be mine! Now if they could just get www.myilp.com up and running....

Tags: ILP, recovery, sickness, scale

Days 9 - 12

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sun, 07 May 2006 11:30:00 GMT

Woah, what a horrible couple of days. Sleep, get up, cough, go back to sleep. Virtually nothing concrete done on my ILP, followed by the looming bastadry commonly known as 'the exam period'.

Still, that's the point I guess. Being able to practise, or to hold the idea of practise, or just to long for practise in the middle of aching bones and a sore chest and more mucus then an alley full of junkies.

So, drawing inspiration from Paul, I vow to continue.

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ILP - Day 8

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Wed, 03 May 2006 07:38:50 GMT

Things I am taking for the flu:

Garlic
Weird Chinese Vitamins donated by a friend
sinus medication
green tea
Enough vitamin C to reanimate Linus Pauling
Ginger Tea
Steaming Showers

---

Green tea is good! Except it tastes so godawful. It is considered extremely bad form to put something in it (sugar, whisky, a gym sock)?

Any other suggestions nice people?

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ILP - Day 7 - Sick

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Tue, 02 May 2006 12:30:29 GMT

Woe betide anyone who dares curse homeostasis, just a few days later and I have the flu. Much of the ILP comes to a halt (3 body workout, fitness, most mental stuff, shadow work, you name it, I don't feel like it or physically can't do it). Still, the incentive to change is still there, exacerbated by Paul's successful completion of the 90 day challenge (many congratulations to him).

So the next few days will see the birth of sickblogging, and a focus on the more cerebral ILP pursuits.

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Day 5 & 6 - Big Mind vs Formal Mind

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sun, 30 Apr 2006 11:29:08 GMT

Coming tomorrow! Because I am so tired I am falling asleep at the keyboard. As challenging and fun as typing this with my head would be, results would vary for you, the reader. Hence, a day off and a time for some rest, in honour of the lady who fell asleep on her cushion today and managed to fold herself in half. That deserves some kind of ass kicking emoticon in which an animated dancing banana thrusts back and forth. Damn you zaadz and your non-image integration!

Go here for your bananaramic fix.

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ILP - Day 4 - Different Strokes

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 06:05:05 GMT

Shadow work is the least intuitive ILP module. Personally, I think I would have ranked some of the auxillary modules (ethics, sex, relationships) above Shadow, and at the moment, at least for me, Shadow work is defacto interpersonal work (granted, there's plenty of overlap anyhow).

The gist of the 1-2-3 process is that you learn to recognize your own projections, first by identifying what you don't like in a person, then having an imaginary dialogue, then speaking as them. There are certain quirks about this process that I'm not too sure on (brought up by that guy who keeps asking all the annoying questions on the 1-2-3 DVD), and then there's the usual dangers associated with therapy at a distance (as pointed out by DashH). I'm not sure yet what the 1-2-3 process achieves that couldn't be thrashed out by some form of Gestalt, but then, I haven't really given it my full attention yet. Perhaps it's just a good way to frame the natural gestalt like process of inquiry. Anyone else had good results yet?

- - -

The importance of shadow work, however, isn't in doubt. Several critiques of Wilber, which focus on his alleged misuse of meditative studies, suggest that meditation by itself is a pretty dangerous thing. Shadow work is supposed to be the necessary counterpoint that guards against the 'enlightened jerk' phenomena (aka 'pulling a Darth Vader').

- - -

There is, however, an ancillary benefit of keeping the 1-2-3 injunction in mind. It leaves your heart and head primed for action, feeling out the spots where you routinely avoid interpersonal pain and hassle. For me, this most often takes the form of avoiding people per se, pulling further and further within at the expense of interaction and non-instant gratification. Hell may be other people, then hell is awfully hard work. Just keeping the injunction in mind is enough, leaving aside skepticism of the benefits of deigning to speak on behalf of a non-present third person.

- - -

Tomorrow: Big Mind!

Tags: ILP, Big Mind, Shadow work, 1-2-3 process

ILP - Day 3 - Motivation

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 12:25:15 GMT

Day three brought the first mini hiccup, when an unscheduled sleep in and rendevous with an outdoor spa (college is like that sometimes) led to me missing my scheduled jog, and cutting back from the 35 minute version of the 3 body workout to the 10 minute (which, by the way, goes for more than 10 minutes).

Mr. Giant Jaw Robbins tells us the only way that we'll ever act is if we have leverage over ourselves, in the form of desperation or inspiration. Last night has led me to a combination of the two.

Drinking isn't usually the most productive activity, but it can lead to the occasional burst. Like last night, when I thought it would a good idea to assert my manliness by arm wrestling women. I'm tough like that. Several arm wrestles later and now I have a year long bet that will either see me showered with glory or running around a public park in nothing but shorts with [opponent's name] is God written on my back. Yes, suddenly I'm a lot more keen to smash my F.I.T. pushups record.

Inspiration, Desperation, Humiliation.

ILP is going well so far, and it still has that lovely novelty sheen.

Tags: Tony Robbins, ILP, arm wrestling

ILP - Day 2 - Homeostasis

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 21:44:29 GMT

Homeostasis is the enemy of any transformative practise. Even the ILP - which claims to be about lifelong practise for the sake of practise, rather than just transformation - still entails a shift (gradual-radical or just plain radical) in one's behaviour. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that the 90 day challenge isnt just about completing that task; it's not about accomplishment but about self-empowerment. Homeostasis is the survival mechanism resisting all change.

Tags: ILP

ILP - Day 1 - Reborn!

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 12:13:48 GMT

Let's Recap my adventures with ILP so far:

- start 100 day challenge, expecting package to arrive within 10 days.
- package doesn't arrive
- send email to Shambhala, 'sit tight' they say
- sit tight
- send another email
- repeat the above
- two months pass
- send another email
- Shambhala graciously send another package. Somewhere in Australia, a postie gleefully enjoys his contraband 3 body workout
- package arrives, finally
- except that I'm another state
- finally get to see it
- initially overwhelmed and underwhelmed
- plan an ILP
- start
- today

So, lots of money + trials and tribulations = burning desire to make this thing work.

Today was a good day: 35 minute three body workout (minus pushups, I've hurt my arm, which sucks, but should be gone soon), went for a jog, meditated (interupted by noisy neighbours), didn't get much work done, but all in all not bad for day one. It's nice to finally be in the swing of things, at least.

Tags: meditation, ILP, kata, self-transformation, trials and tribulations, 100 day ILP challenge.

ILP - DAY ZERO

http://vomitingconfetti.gaia.com — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 13:47:35 GMT

It's coming. Tomorrow is officially day one, and damn if it aint about time.

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